Love exists in all relationships, but to have some structure here, I will talk about romantic relationships. Growing up, I’ve always wondered if there was just “one person made for you.” In a population of 7.8 billion people, what are the chances you will find them?
What is ‘ideal love’?
When I say ‘ideal’, everyone will have a different definition of what they think an ideal relationship is. The same goes for ‘true love’ where some people believe in it and some don’t. But no matter where you stand on this spectrum, we can all agree love exists.
Media has portrayed this idea of “the one” or “happily ever after” but what does it mean? Life, unlike a movie, does not end when you find your partner. The journey to accepting one another is the real task. Some movies like ‘500 days of summer’ have a realistic touch to it.
Is what teenagers think of love, right?
I fell in love for the first time when I was 19 years old and now when I think back to it that does not seem like love, but that’s wrong. As I have grown, so has my definition and idea of love. The definition of love for a teenager will be different from that of someone in their mid-20s or 30s, but that does not mean their definition of love is wrong. What they think of love is what they understand of it and it will evolve as they do.
Reality of relationships
Now, when you’re in a relationship, there will be ups and downs, but if you want to stay with them, you will have to work through the problems together. Sometimes the fights can be over petty things and are not as dramatic as shown on the big screen. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, as I have said before social media just shows a small part of someone’s life.
In a relationship, four things are essential in my opinion,
Respect: For your partner, their work, space, boundaries and so on.
Self-love: You can’t expect someone else to cover up for the absence of love you have for yourself.
Communication: In my opinion, communication is essential as you can be open and talk things out. Good conversations give a helping hand to avoid misunderstandings and assumptions.
Trust: We know trust is an essential bond that you build that can be easily broken and hence, it is important to have trust in your partner.
The actor Will Smith once said “there is this false idea that marriage makes you one, but that is not the case. It is two different individuals choosing to walk their journey together”. This line stuck with me as I have seen people lose their own identity when they are in a relationship.
There is this idea that if you’re unhappy, your partner must make you feel happy. It’s sweet that they care enough to try and make you happy but don’t be upset or hurt when they can’t change your mood. Your happiness should be your responsibility.
What is happily ever after?
The sentence “they lived happily ever after” confused me because what is happily ever after? There is so much more to life than just relationships, the idea of being happy when you find ’the one’ has been fed to us from a young age. Love and relationships are an important part of your life, but they are not your whole life.
This notion of being happy once you have found the right person may be flawed. You can be in a good healthy relationship and still be very sad and it has nothing to do with your partner. Both individuals need to work in sync to make things work. It can’t be just one person putting in all the efforts.
The idea of ‘the one’ is a little off-putting to me because few of the top reasons for divorce today are infidelity, lack of communication and unrealistic expectations. The global divorce rates have gone up 251.8% since 1960.
Even 20 years into a marriage or relationship, there will be problems and you can choose to work on them or quit the relationship.
Summary
All relationships are different and some take more effort than others, it is your willingness to make that effort that matters.
Don’t always believe a happy couple on social media. Not everyone is open about the struggles they face.
Your happiness should be in your hands.
There is no formula to an ideal relationship; it is the two partners willingness to change, adjust and accept that makes it ideal.
Comments